Dating is hard and dating idiots is even harder. Take a look at the following 13 blurbs from Ask Reddit about people who found some of the biggest idiots around. Another reason I am oh so glad I’m married.
1. Giddy Up
She showed me pictures of her ex’s penis. Before, and after she photoshopped a little cowboy hat and sheriff’s badge on it.
2. Let’s Go Camping
I dated a girl for 2 years, thought I was gonna marry her.She invited me on a camping trip with her family. Turns out it was her “family,” as in 100ish people involved in a doomsday cult. Took a while to get over that one.
3. More to be Desired
So I went on a couple dates with this girl and she was giving me some signs that she was ready to get a little physical. So I lean in close and try to kiss her, and she turns her face away from me. Stunned I end up going home and thinking it was over between us. Later on, she contacts me and starts hinting we should go out again. I decide to go for it, again, after getting some heavy hints and she pushes me away. So now I just ask, what’s going on? She says, “I go on dates with you so I don’t feel like I’m undesirable, but I’m not attracted to you.”She called me the next day and I told her I’m not dating people who make me feel undesirable, then hang up.
4. Whip and Nay Nay
I met a local dude on OKCupid and we decided to meet up one night to hang out. He took his penis out in my car because he thought we would have sex.Not okay, sir. Not okay.
5. Confidence Booster
After I made him dinner, did the dishes, and we had amazing sex, he rolled over mid-cuddles to tell me all about his ex-girlfriend, how I had no desirable girlfriend-esque traits, and that the only reason he liked me was because I liked him. I boosted his confidence.
This was after a month of seeing each other.
6. Parks and Rec
Had a friend’s friend ask me out, saying he’d love to just hang out with me and smoke and have a few drinks.. I said I don’t mind (I found him kind of attractive).
He then asked if I liked parks.. Uhmm, yes, I do enjoy parks (I run and our area has several nice parks for running). His response?
“Cool, let’s swing by ___ park first.. we can hang out and talk a bit before going to the bar for drinks.. and there’s this cozy spot where you can blow me”
Apparently I attract a**hats.
7. Jesus Save Me
I remember a girl in college who agreed to go out with me. She said she had a surprise for me.
Christian revival meeting. Buuuuuuh!
8. That Escalated Quickly
On my first date with a guy from an internet dating site, he took us to the Scientology museum in London. I thought “Hmmm, original, easy to find things to talk about/ laugh at the craziness of, this could be fun.”
Then he proceeded to read every, single, piece of writing on every, single exhibit, ask the attendant very probing questions about how one goes about joining scientology etc. etc. and sounding slightly too interested to just be intrigued about a religion. Also he was visibly sweating.
Once we were done there we went for a glass of wine and he told me he used to shoot heroin.
I was out of there like a shot.
9. No Red Meat
In college this guy from one of my classes asked me to go out with him out of the blue (we’d never even talked before) but he was pretty cute so I said sure.
We exchanged numbers and he said he’d call me with details. He called the next day and told me we were going to a restaurant that was WAY out of my price range. We’re talking like no way will this bill will be under $100. I tried talking him out of it and when that didn’t work flat out saying I couldn’t afford something like that but he insists and tells me not to worry (this all really should have been a clue to me). So I say fine and agree to go.
We get to the restaurant and the waiter comes over and I go to order (the cheapest thing on the menu) when he stops me and says, “Ignore her, we’re both having the steak.”
“But I don’t like steak.”
“She’s just saying that because she’s poor. We’ll have steak.” And shoos the waiter away.
I’m mortified and pissed and want to leave but he was my ride. He tries to make conversation and just proves to me that he really is an a**. Then he says he has to go to the bathroom and leaves. I’m sitting there for a good 10 minutes before he texts me “Hahaha I got the shits from drinking last night don’t eat without me.”
That was the last straw. I call the waiter over, pay for my meal, and go to the Starbucks down the street to call my friend to pick me up.
When I was a teenager I worked at a retail store in the mall and a guy who worked a few stores down would always come in and talk to me.
He was super sweet and genuine and would randomly take me to lunch and bring me coffee and the like. It was nice to just have someone to talk to and who seemed genuinely interested in me and what I had to say. He asked me on a date a few times and I always declined. I don’t like the idea of dating someone who I work with/work next to (just in case it goes sour).
After a month or two I finally agree to go on a date with him, because good guys are hard to find! I couldn’t just let him pass by. He picks me up at my house and on our way to dinner we get into a car accident. The driver’s side was t-boned pretty badly and we ended up having to go to the hospital where he contacted his roommate….. who then contacted my date’s girlfriend.
11. Big Spender
After my freshman year of college I met a guy on OK Cupid and we went to get dinner at Friday’s as our first date. Offered to give me a ride, but I said no.
He was a couple years older, well dressed and started talking about how he’d started his own business after college and it was going well. Good for him! Bragging a bit but hey that’s an accomplishment.
So after we order he says “Let’s play a game. We’ll each take out our wallets and compare what’s in them.” Wasn’t a joke, literally started showing me his credit cards and bragging about the high limits, ending with “Clearly you can’t afford to pay for this dinner, but don’t worry I can cover you.” I was pissed and protested but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
So as we leave he says he wants to show me his car. Unfortunately it was before mine in the lot so I had to walk by it. It was a white, windowless serial killer van. He begged me to have sex with him in it, right there in the Friday’s parking lot.
I was pretty glad I drove separately.
12. But Bambi?
One of the people I dated took me to her parents house for our first “date”. Wherein I listened to her dad talk for an hour about this deer that he was so inept at killing it took 4 bullets to finally put down.
It’s times like those I wish I had a jetpack.